You know that moment when you ask your child, “What’s wrong? Tell me, what are you feeling? “… and you’re met with silence or the all-too-familiar “I don’t know.”
I’ve been there, not just as a coach, but as a parent. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? We want to help, but if our kids don’t have the words for what’s happening inside, those feelings spill out in ways that look like meltdowns, sibling fights, or shutting down completely.
Here’s the truth: kids aren’t born knowing how to name or regulate their emotions. But once they learn how, something powerful happens — they take back control. They step into the driver’s seat of their lives, becoming more confident, resilient, and self-aware. So, if we want to help them, we first need to ask: what is an emotion, really?
Let’s break it down together.
An emotion is not a random storm that sweeps through a child’s body. It’s actually a signal made up of three parts working together:
- Body sensations – the racing heart, tight chest, butterflies, clenched fists
- Thoughts – the story our mind tells us about what’s happening
- Behaviors – how we act in response: yelling, crying, shutting down, or laughing
When kids begin to see emotions as this combination, they stop being swept away by them. Instead, they can pause, recognize what’s happening, and make a choice.
And that’s the real game-changer: AWARENESS CREATES CHOICE.
So, how can we help our children build this awareness day by day?
Four Parent Strategies to Build Emotional Muscle
Here are four simple, powerful ways to guide your child when big emotions hit:
- Pause Before You Fix.
Instead of jumping straight into solutions, sit with your child for a moment. Your calm presence helps them settle. - Name It to Tame It.
Try saying, “It looks like you’re feeling disappointed” or “I wonder if you’re frustrated.” Even if you miss the mark, you’re teaching them to connect words with feelings. Over time, this builds their emotional vocabulary, the ability to understand themselves and others. - Validate the Feeling, NOT the Behavior.
Let them know that “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit.” This teaches that emotions are natural, and actions need guidance. - Give the Body a Release.
Emotions live in the body, so help your child to release them by having them do jumping jacks, scribbling on paper, or a shake-it-out dance. Once the body calms, the brain follows.
These are practical tools you can use right in the middle of a tough moment. But let’s also look at what brain science has to say.
Dr. Daniel Amen’s Brain-Based Tips
Dr. Daniel G. Amen, a world-renowned psychiatrist, reminds us that emotions aren’t just “feelings.” They’re deeply tied to brain function — and with the right habits, kids can train their brains to handle them better.
Here are four of his top strategies:
- Spot the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).
Teach kids to catch those sneaky thoughts like “Nobody likes me” and ask, “Is that really true?” - Move the Body, Calm the Brain.
Exercise or even a few deep breaths can reduce emotional overdrive by sending oxygen straight to the brain. - Use Faces and Feelings.
Visual tools (like the Emotion Cards below) help kids link names to emotions, wiring their brain for emotional intelligence. - Ask, “What Else Could This Mean?”
When something upsetting happens, help them reframe: maybe a friend didn’t ignore them out of anger — maybe they were tired. This builds flexible, resilient thinking.
So now you’ve got tools from both parenting practice and neuroscience. But what if you want something fun, engaging, and easy to use at home with your kids?
A Fun Game to Try: Emotion Cards 🎴
In our home, one of the best tools we’ve discovered is a simple but brilliant card game: Emotion Cards for Children.
It’s a pack of 32 beautifully illustrated cards, each with an “emotion monster” and a kid-friendly explanation of the feeling.
Here’s how we play:
- Each person picks a card without looking.
- They read the description out loud — but skip the name of the emotion. For example: “Feels like a cold shiver running through your body. You feel… hmm… when something is really unpleasant or gross.”
- Everyone else has to guess which emotion it is!
The result? Laughter, curiosity, and most importantly, conversations about feelings that might never have come up otherwise. My boys absolutely love it, and ithas become one of our favorite family games for teaching them about their feelings.
👉 You can easily find them by searching “Emotion Cards for Children” on the Temu website.
Why This Matters
EMOTIONS AREN’T THE ENEMY. THEY’RE THE SIGNAL.
When kids learn to recognize and name their emotions, they stop being controlled by them. They build resilience, confidence, and emotional intelligence, which is the foundation of leadership and success later in life.
That’s why helping your child learn these skills isn’t just about fewer tantrums or calmer sibling dynamics. It’s about giving them the inner strength to face life’s challenges and thrive.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’d like more tools for building confidence, resilience, and emotional intelligence in your child, explore my one-on-one coaching programs or invite me to bring Mindset Development Workshops to your school.
Together, we can give our kids the skills they need not just for today, but for life.
With gratitude and passion,
Limor Jasinski
Founder, Wisdom Kids Academy
